When you’re a big fish in a small pond the transition to
becoming that same fish in an entire ocean is by no means easy. It’s a
physical, mental and emotional battle, and can be a very humbling experience to
say the least. It is a test of character, passion and your ability to pick
yourself up after failure, learn from your mistakes and to have the maturity to
accept that ‘no true success comes without failure.’ That saying is easy enough
to understand, but the very meaning of it signifies that actually going through
that failure is easier said than done.
Failure itself can
make or break anybody. It would be so easy to quit when you’re the only one
pushing yourself to begin with… To just throw the towel in and say “I’m just
not good enough for this.” But I believe that true success is understanding
that failure is actually just a stepping stone from which you can learn and
become stronger. The more ‘failures’ we
pick ourselves up and learn from, the stronger we actually become. These past
few days over the course of my first Lead World Cup for 2016 in Chamonix,
France have certainly been a test of my maturity to overcome such ‘failure.’ I can say with all honesty
that to begin with I wasn’t very mature about it at all...
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Chamonix IFSC Lead World Cup 2016 Qualifiers - Photo by Campbell Harrison |
I went into the Chamonix comp this year with the same
nervousness as if it was my first ever World Cup again. Without meaning to, I
had built a massive cloud over my head full of intimidation, self-doubt, lack
of self-confidence along with very high personal expectations and pressure. I
could somewhat sense the cloud’s presence but didn’t do a good job at all of
removing it. Instead, I tried to force myself to relax for the climbs ahead
without changing my mental approach. How can one possibly relax when an ominous
cloud looms above, making you question whether you deserve to be there, whether
you’re at the right level to compete or even just strong enough to do the
moves? Hindering questions begin to pop into my head like; “What happens if I
fall off too low and embarrass not only myself, but my country?” I’m not
entirely sure how I’d managed to develop such a horrible storm of self-doubt,
but as I climbed my first qualifier climb at the Chamonix Lead World Cup, the
first comp in the Lead World Cup circuit, that storm of doubt did nothing but
rain on me. Every move was hesitant, every hold was over-gripped, every breath
was swallowed and before I knew it I was off the wall.
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Chamonix IFSC Lead World Cup 2016 Qualifiers - Photo by Campbell Harrison |
Initially I was incredibly upset with how I had climbed and
my first thought was that I was just not good enough to do the climb. The
initial shock of it all took a little while to wear off and for the feelings to
mull over before I could gain some clarity and perspective. By the time my
second qualifier had come around, I managed to let go of my ego-driven
expectations and embraced a ‘nothing to lose’ mindset. I also now had a point
to prove to myself that I was worthy of the climb and had the strength to do
it. I took a moment just before I hopped on the wall to close my eyes and just
picture myself at training, where no pressure or expectations exist… just
myself and the wall. I began the climb so much better on that second qualifier,
but there was still a lingering cloud above my head with a touch of
disappointment added to the mixture. As I climbed and approached a big
intimidating move, I had a momentary lapse of doubt and hesitated, almost
making all the same mistakes as I had done on the first qualifier. I’m quite
proud to say that in that moment however, I managed to pull myself together,
take a deep breath, relax and clear my head. I committed to the move completely
and believed in my ability to do it. I kept going and managed to do a lot
better than quali 1, but I knew deep down I still could’ve done a heck of a lot
better. I just had to believe in myself... I know it sounds ridiculously corny
but I honestly just had to truly believe in my ability to do the moves and
fully commit with no hesitation or self-doubt.
Even after the comp was finished for me the initial feelings
of disappointment still took a little while to wear off. However, by the next day
the cloud had finally cleared and I was ready to make a fresh start. We decided
to head to the gym in Les Houches and I was sick of the self-pity I had been
mulling over since the qualification round the day before… I knew I was better
than that. I evaluated my weakness and concentrated on what needed to be done.
I decided the whole climbing session would be focused on committing to moves
completely, getting on the routes I had previously thought too difficult and
believing in my strength to pull every single move. I was incredibly excited to
immediately see a massive improvement in my climbing and began to recognise the
strength I forgot I had, just waiting to be used.
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Chamonix IFSC Lead World Cup 2016 Qualifiers - Photo by Sytse Van Slooten |
Changing my attitude and mental approach to climbing such elite
level routes amongst World Class athletes is going to be a massive turning
point and learning curve in my climbing and competition performance. The most
important thing I’ve learnt from my first World Cup of 2016 in Chamonix is to
stop comparing myself to other competitors. Yes, the routes and the climbers
can be intimidating – they’re the best in the world… But I can use this to
inspire myself to push harder, learn from my mistakes and recognise that I am
there for a reason, I deserve to be there and compete with the top climbers in
the world. I am competition. Once I had let go of those hindering thoughts and
expectations and climbed my own climb with purpose, determination and just
enjoyed the climb, I amazed myself with what I could do.
I cannot wait for the next competitions and the long,
exciting journey ahead of me.
2016 IFSC Lead World Cup Chamonix finale was so much exciting. At the point of trust,the game has turned into the nail biting match.The results were totally unpredictable.
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